Looking to My Future

Entering the World of Being Old

Well, I just filled out my request for Social Security. All the years I worked hard for the money so the government could take a part of it and "hold" it for the day I need to have it back with interest, so to speak, to I can help put food on the table and pay our bills. What did people do when there was no social security? I tried for a number of years to make other arrangements for my "future". And none of it panned out. So instead of feeling like I am getting my money back, I woke up this morning feeling like I owe the government something for the rest of my life.  I almost don't want to get the money.
But the author of my future is God, and I release my fears to him. These last years of my life will be an adventure in learning to trust him. He is my provider after all, not the government.  I want to get that straight in my head right now, before I start depending on those cks. My husband looks forward to his cks. I will dread them. He will have them spent before they arrive anyway. So I really need to have a "God resource." By that, I mean that I would become discouraged in a hurry if I didn't have God to depend on. It gives me courage to hope for a good future to know I am in his hands.
Lord, as the birds awaken, and begin to sing, I am reminded that you used them to show, how well provided for they are, and never need money. Is is possible that I have never tapped into the resources that are actually there for me? At the top of the page, I asked what did people do before Social Security? And only now does it occur to me, that they have lived for thousands of years without "government" help, and actually many generations of people were under a burden to pay taxes with no return.  Out of what? The money you helped them make. Out of resources you provided.  How upside down is our thinking to forget that the things make money from are your blessing on us in the first place. Once again, the garden is my inspiration. What I planted last year has returned and multiplied. It encouraged me to plant more perenials so that the work I do this year will be increased at your hand for next year.
As my mind wanders into wishing I had a sunny place to plant food, I think about the property next door, which when empty was burned out, so that people could steal the contents of metals. I think how I wonder if we owned it could we make a garden there. Would we have the strength and resources to reclaim it. Would it be possible to have a green house there, and maybe a studio. But after working all day digging holes for shrubs yesterday and aching so badly even this morning after a days rest that I can hardly move...I realized my age limits what I am physically able to do now. I can sit at a computer but it is bad for my health. I can try to plant food, but it won't be enough. So once again Lord, I am at your mercy...open my eyes. Give me wisdom to live in your bounty. Give me strength to keep hacking at the weeds. Give me direction so I don't wander. And Bless me Lord from your infinite ability to create from nothing amazing things. Supply all my needs. And I ask because you said I should. But also because, I look forward to praising you for your loving kindness to me.
Thank you Lord for all the lovely flowers this year. May they bloom throughout the season. And may they multiply. As I learn what is best in my yard for what certain things need to grow, help me be as diligent to look into my own life and seek what is best suited as an environment for me to grow and be healthy.  Where I need pruning, where in my life needs the weeds taken away,  what is growing that I once loved, but has overtaken the places that I need to open up for new plantings. What have I planted that was a mistake, what is too large for the space where I planted it? How may I better be in places where your light shines upon me? How may my life be an environment which enriches and supplies for others well being, as when the birds are able to make our space their home as well. How will what I do in other areas of my life enrich someone else's life?
You have given me a lot to think about Lord. I bless your name, praise you for your blessings on me. And am encouraged that in the little things I have done to honor you, I see growth in places I never expected it. Continue to enrich us by your hand, for Lord I am not complacent about how very much you are doing, I give you credit. You have opened for me a new door for exploring the greatness of your love.  Thank You for all that gives a longing soul to look forward to. In Jesus Name, AMEN.