That's GOD...:)

Early Light

One of my favorite things in life is early morning light.  I love to awake just as the light is breaking. Or a bit before so that I can be somewhere special to enjoy it.  If we are out in woodlands or some other natural setting, one of the indicators that sun-up is near, is the first chirp of awakening birds. It is possible to be in perfect silence and the darkest hour of the day, moments before the first rays of sun cast a glow along the horizon. For me, it is a time of day which, if I stop for a moment to acknowlege it, gives me hope.  It arouses in me a lift in spirit that sets the mood for the day. God knows there are things like this in life that we need to help our emotional health. For some it is music, for some it is art, for some books. Each of us finds joy for the day in different ways.  Of course, we each have several favorite things in life. Just looking at shiney things makes me feel comforted. Strange thing I guess, but I knew I wasn't the only one when the song from THE SOUND OF MUSIC became popular in the 60's ~ "These are a few of my favorite things..." It mentions things that many of us enjoy thinking about to lift our spirits. To this day I can hum the words to the song and feel a surge of joy.
God intends that his word would have the same  effect for us.  Our favorite verses encourage our hearts, and once we realize this, capturing them into our mental replay becomes a simple task. 
Oddly, the opposite is true.  If something traumatic happens that we begin to associate with one of our favorites, the impact is to bring our emotions down. I have a rule about listening to my favorite music when I am dealing with trauma. I won't allow the association to occur.  Sometimes, we need to make possitive associative choices. Actively thinking about what will happen the next time we hear this song, or go to this place, will help us separate the emotions from the object. I ask myself, "Will hearing this song again continue to bring joy to my inner man, or will it forever become a reminder of  the trauma? "  Scripture seems to be different, however, if I find scripture that gives me hope to move through the trauma, with joy or a positive intent. If it encourages me in any way, each time I think again of the scripture, it brings a pleasant strength to my inner man.  Rather than making me want to reject the memory, it gives me power to embrace the traumas in life as hurdles I cleared.  If you find that the simplest things sometimes cause you to begin to fear reliving trauma, consider what is happening in the pattern of how you associate things.  And what things you allow yourself to associate with the extremes of emotional times. 
Does a holiday bring joy or pain?  Christmas is often acknowleged as a time when people fall into sadness.  This is absolutely an associative problem. Valentine's Day can be another day that causes pain.  If it is true for someone reading this, look closely at your associations. Renew your memories. the scriptural admonition to renew our minds, is not a passive instruction, but an active one. One of my favorite verses, I have difficulty remembering, except the important part - "by the renewing of your mind."  We can actually change our future moods, associative memories, and overall patterns of things that trigger feelings in us, by re-associating.  We must choose where we go for joy. 
I have problems often with negative thinking, and letting certain things bring memories to a place of propriety over my day.  I move into a place of analyzing and over analyzing what is happening or happened or will happen. If I look closely how it makes me feel, it becomes evident that it matters what is playing over and over in my head.  How I deal with  things every day is directly linked to the associations I have made with the traumas and joys in life. In a time of my deepest chronic sadness, the Lord taught me to make a new memory.  I prayed about it, and asked him to be the author of that memory, and he answered my prayer in a dynamic way. Giving the traumatic memory to the Lord, I allowed my self to revisit that fearful time in great detail. As I thought it through, a scripture began to  play through the memory.  And then the memory changed.  Something positive that I could cling to became the first thing I think of now when I remember that time. NOT the trauma.  Now instead of the trauma, that sweet verse comes to mind, and the positive element of those horrible hours. The horror dissolves, and over time, has in fact become a blip on the page of my life. A single Pixel on the high def RAW picture of my life. Rather than consuming my memories to be replayed in time of sadness, it scarcely ever comes to mind.  I will never forget that great lesson God taught me.
Consider today the things you do when you are sad.  It is like addition, because of the way the mind works, to make associations between things you love and trauma.  It is in part why addictions occur - any kind of addiction.  The item of your addiction is pleasant.  At first we use the pleasant to help override the sorrow, or pain or whatever we desire to resist. In a cruel way, the pleasantness becomes the catalyst for our return to the thing that causes us sorrow and the cycle begins.  To be healed, the cycle must be broken.  WE can intervene into our own cycle. Find a point in the cycle, however small, and change the pattern.  Change the memories of it, interject scriptures of promise or instruction, and repeat. Once comfortbable with the new association, find a new place in the cycle to make a similar change.  God desires healing for our minds as much as our bodies. And he is truly the great physician.
This Valentine's week, we recieved a call that two cabinets we had ordered were complete. We picked them up and are in the process this week of reorganizing my kitchen, clearing the clutter that has plagued our space and made it an unhappy place to be. Difficult to keep clean, or use for that matter, my kitchen is sad.  I have prayed often that God would help me know how to resolve the issues. When Jimmy joined my quest, we pursued an answer with urgency.  And now, it seems that we have a way to break the cycle of moving and removing things so that we can function in our space.  It is bringing me great joy to see an end to the disfunction. I want to be in the space. I look forward to using it in a new way. Can you see the correlation? All the cluttering items will remain in the space. Nothing will change except how we store them.  The shelving will allow us to put them in their place.
I love that God has made Valentine's Day a time for me to think of reassociation. Because renewing our minds, renewing the function of our space, brings renewal to our hearts as well. And thats a healthy, lifegiving thing.
Thank you Lord for my Valentine's present from YOU.  You will forever be my FIRST LOVE. AMEN

Anticipation

Some days I awake with a list running in my head of all the things I want to get done, and I think, "How will I ever catch up?" But lately, I have been waking with the same lists, and suddenly being thankful that I have things to hold in anticipation. I don't want to be in a trap of dreading the workload the way I did in years gone by. I want to be thankful for a day full of things I can do, joyfully. In my teens I had that kind of can't wait to get at it feeling. An excitement that I had my whole life ahead of me. Now I can't help but know that life is waning, and it would be very easy to slip into an attitude of "I have so much to do before I die." But instead, I want to just be doing it until I can't any more.  I want to do things I put on the back burner just because I want to do them, and for no other reason.  It's why I blog, or take pictures or research family history, or watch birds. It is why I always have a mess around my house, cause I am enjoying my home and all there is to do in it. 
I am thankful today for the ability to have anticipation.  I watched as my mother lost hers, and that is what changed her from the mother I knew to the one I didn't know more than anything.  I could change all the outside stuff. Like her forgetting to take care of herself.  But I could never give her back her desire to get up and do something every day.  Once she lost that, she was lost.  I have more things in the wings than I will ever get done, but I hope it stays that way til the day I die. And I will live every day I can, doing them. OR NOT.  As long as I have the capacity to choose. 

Thank you Jesus for anticiption. For the ability to look forward to living a day with you. Help me keep doing whatever I do with an attitude of gratefulness that I am able to always keep something out there that is waiting to be done, if I want to do it.  Amen