When trials and frustrations erupt into our lives like explosions, I find that 90% of our stress is created by miscommunication, or misunderstanding. Our reactions to the stress usually indicate the status of our the weariness of our body, mind and soul. And our ability to trust God to take care of things. Feelings of insecurity develop after we lose loved ones, and endure losses of life's status quo.  Our bodies and minds reel even in the face of newness.
In recent months I have had to replace simple things which broke or were simply so old as to not function.  When our refigerator sprang a leak the other day, it was only a small part that needed fixing, and I found myself, saying thank you Lord that we didn't have to buy a new fridge, because in the back of my mind I was thinking how I didn't want to have to learn to use another simple appliance that somebody made technical.  For at least 3 days, my mind tried to reject the phone I had to get to replace the one I had. After being strapped for so long, it seems everything is wearing out at once. If I dwelt on the loss I would not have remedy for the confusion.  Allowing that the Lord is helping to make things new, I am thankful, but the newness leaves me stumbling to catch up with the technologies, or just how to use the new.
Even with a fresh start, I feel uneasy.  Yet this year, I have found something wonderful in how I trust the Lord.  I cannot put it into words or I would help everyone understand, for the difference it has made in my life. I do know that I claim the Lord's promises with greater peace of mind, and am more secure than in years of His work and power in my life. He is actively partnering with me to make the words of his Book of Truth function as He said they would. Not that he hasn't in the past, but that each day I see His work in my life and I hear his still small voice in spite of the din of things that might otherwise capture my attention before I seek his face.  Now I find that as the stress rises, I find myself first going to his principles to pray a quick and simple prayer based on promises to ask the Lord to intervene.  I wish to praise Him, for honoring his Word.  A life based on the freedom he gave us, and claiming His truth for every circumstance in life to guide my steps and focus my choices is definitely making a difference. In other words, I am learning to get the knowlege in my head into a routine of application to my heart's condition, and the steps of my walk.  And it is truly bringing me the peace He promised.  I have no resolutions for the new year, except to know more of what the Lord has given me in this year. I don't want to become a God Freak.... I want to become more of what God created me to be, as his child, secure in His love and be able to share that peace with someone who needs it.
Lord, be my constant guide, and light my candle anew each and every day. I wish to thank you for the access to your Word, and for the results that honoring and applying the promises in it is making in my walk. Thanks for loving me and being my constant friend. AMEN

Covering The Flaws

In my last post on Gethsemane, I mentioned that I had left fingerprints from pastels on one art piece that I transferred by accident to another.  I also said that it was easy enough to paint over the flaws, and because I now have the clear sleeves to permantly cover the pages, the art would be protected in the future. As I read it back this morning, because I hadn't proof read it well when I placed it, the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and said, "that's like what the Father does with your sin. (flaws)" The picture was so clear...God considers the smudge as no problem, 'cause He just considers it covered by the blood, and I am totally protected, lovingly placed into his sleeve of protection. I am His work of art, contantly in process of becoming more lovely in His sight. As He sees fit to work on me. Before the finished work of Jesus, I was exposed to fingerprints and smudges, but since Jesus work, I am in his sleeve of protection. Thank you Holy Spirit. Merry Christmas!

Gifts from God

The sweetest gifts that we receive to me are the ones someone gives in response to God's bidding.  Sometimes people don't even know when they have given a gift from God, they just do something nice. But God knows our hearts desires, and he often uses people to give those desires to us as gifts.
Two such gifts stand out in my mind this year, and they are the kind of thing, no one else would rejoice over, but they are just more proof to me that a real and loving God exists.
When I began to paint again, I started using some art paper that was stored in a closet. I did a couple of pieces with pastels and they were stacked together.  I wisely placed tissue between them, but when I handled them without the tissue, I got finger prints on one of my unfinished paintings.  Glad that I could paint over the flaws, I still began to wish I could get plastic sleeves for my work like I see covering things at festival markets and art sales.  But I would have to buy a whole case and that seemed frivilous.  So I kept an eye out for items that came into my home with plastic wrapping and began to put it between or over just a few pieces of my work.  I quietly just longed for the real thing.
Then one day, my husband came in with a box of what he was afraid I might call junk. He hesitantly asked if I could use the contents, or should he just throw it away.  I complain about some of the stuff he brings in, for I fear we could become hoarders if we took in everything he could bring. But I checked out the box contents and it was plastic sleeves normally used for something else, yet were the perfect size for my art paper! My husband didn't know I wanted them, but he brought them home to see.  God arranged that if someone else didn't need them, they could belong to me, in answer to the desire of my heart. To me it was like a gift from God, because he was the only one who knew how much I wanted, needed them to protect my work.
My Christmas present from Jesus this year, is a roll of brown paper.  I have looked lately for brown paper in a roll in a couple of big box stores, and had resolved almost to break down and buy white butcher paper instead. And I still may for other projects. But the art that has been rolling around in my head is on brown paper.  There is just something about the natural look of some things done on brown paper.  I haven't been able to find it, and like so many other things, I don't mention it to my family.  So once again it was just a silly wish tucked in the confines of my heart.  I feel guilty when I want more art supplies, because I actually have been blessed with a number of things, I just don't have time to use. But, I have jotted notes and stored them about things I would like to do with brown paper for years.  It is a perfect medium for kids, and has and interesting look when printed on.  It accepts stencil art well, and it sturdy and useful when complete.  It isn't just something to hang on a wall and look at. Brown paper art can be used. 
When my husband walked in the door a few days ago with a nice almost full roll of heavy weight brown paper that someone had tossed, I almost fell over. I felt of it, and it wasn't slick like some rolls of paper. It had a unique texture. When I told Jimmy I had been looking for paper like that, he gave me the oddest look. But in my heart I was jumping for joy! Once again, Jesus saw fit to give me the desires of my heart for Christmas.  Such a silly thing to someone else means the world to me.  Not because it is a thing...but because Jesus was the only one who knew I wanted it. And he gave it to me...and twice he used my husband as the one I can praise for listening to the voice of God, and giving of himself to bring it.

Thank you, Lord for my gifts and for using my husband to bring them. Merry Christmas Jesus!

The last year we make them...

This will be the last year I will make flower arrangements as gifts for my husbands work family.  It began over 10 years ago that we needed gifts for them, that Jimmy took a craft arrangement from our "shop" days, to use as inspiration for something to make that they would enjoy at Christmas.  He piled tiny hemlock pine cones in a small round vase, and decorated it for Christmas. Each year thereafter, the gift evolved into whatever we could afford that year, and one year, I remember that we made about 40 of them.  Most years we made between 20 and 30 of them, but that is a lot of gifts to make yourself, and the budget had been the same most years. They had to cost under $5 in actual money.  One year we were able to spend only $2.45, when that was actually a struggle to come up with.  But with the blessings from God we made something nice each time. 
So it is that time of year again, and yesterday as we started our search for materials to put in the cute ceramic dish we already bought, we became frustrated at the poor quality of the Christmas trees whose greenery is ususally the base for our arrangement.  Last year the tips on the tree's limbs were so beautiful!  This year the pruning process had made most of the trees full, but with tiny little tips that were not useful for my purpose.  After making the rounds to all the ususal sellers, we had almost given up hope.  The trees were almost sold out at every place, and what was left would be expensive to use for our purpose. The budget would be blown before we even got started.  A little in fear of what we were going to do, I just asked the Lord what we should do.
Then I remembered the small stands along the road where I had seen local individuals who had purchased a few trees themselves and were selling them. Driving by, I had noticed how beautiful they were this year!  So Jimmy cut through the back road and as we approached the first stand the sun was setting in the cloudy skies.  There were no lights and we thought that the stand owner had gone home.  But as we pulled in, there he sat in his truck.
Jimmy called to him to know if he was leaving. He said he always stayed til a little after dark, and was just trying to stay warm. He allowed us to look as the darkness was threatening to make it impossible soon.  He said, this was the last of the stock, and if we could pick one we liked, he would reduce the price a bit. Jimmy explained what we needed it for, and that the tree itself didn't need to be pretty shaped, just have good tips on the limbs.  So instead of trying to sell us a tree, he said.  If you prefer, I have a pile of cuttings that you can have.  Of course I will sell you a tree, but if there is enough, you can take all you want.
Now, the stores will give you the cuttings, if you buy a tree, but otherwise they will only sell the cuttings to you. When he led us back to the trimming, the pile was large and he even offered to cut the branches off the trunk stumps for easier hauling.  It was quickly getting dark and still this man offered in a spirit of kindness. 
Well, we bought  tree anyway, and took the cuttings we were able to get into our vehicle, and he gave us a great price, so we gave him a bit more. Jimmy insisted, because we had just saved money and gotten much more than we would have.  The man told us of how last year he had just unloaded his trees, when he fell from his truck and broke his wrist. His trees had gone to a near total loss because he had no one to tend the store while he was in the hospital.  This year, he said they had made a little profit and had these trees yet to sell.  What a joy that the Lord had frustrated our search in the stores so that we could be a part of His blessing this man who was so kind and generous.
I couldn't help but think, that this was like living a real Christmas movie.  It was what I felt Christmas was really about.  I was sad that the previous year there had been no one who was free to help this man sell his trees. I hoped that even this one small act from one small businessman was an inication that our nation could get its heart back in place and become the America that knew what really made good business sense, and bring customers back.
I was almost sad that we would not be making these arrangements as gifts next year, for I knew where our first stop for a tree would be.
I pray God blesses this man today.  And I thank God for helping me know there are still people in this world who can still remember what Christmas spirit is about.

A good year to celebrate Christmas

Yesterday was the day I scheduled to decorate my Christmas Tree. Heather helped me with the lights, what a blessing, but like every other year, as I put the last three sets of a different kind of lights on, all of one of the earlier sets went out. I jiggled bulbs, but no luck. So I decided to just not care whether they worked or not. I was going to enjoy putting on the decorations.
My pitiful fake birds have lost feathers, but I never enjoyed putting them on the tree so much. For while I twisted their wires on the limbs, there were birds feeding from the pear trees in the yard that are encombered with fruit this year.  I thought, thank you, Lord for the joy of being able to see the real birds while I am working.
As I hung the pears and apples, that are brushed with gold paint to imply guilding, I thought of the fruits of the Spirit, God's gifts to us. I wondered why I hadn't thought of these things when I decorated the tree before.  I recalled how last year, I saw a sign which mocked lights as a part of Christmas and I thought, "I wonder what Bible they read? Jesus said he was the light of the world. There was a bright and shining star that led the Magi to his home as a baby.  The shepherds were astonished by a light so bright they could hardly look up when the angels came to herald the baby's birth. The psalmist said: Arise, shine, for the light is come - Psalm 101, I think. Who doesn't know that the birth of Jesus was all about shedding light on this world?
 I came to the new glass ball ornaments I bought on impulse a couple of years ago, which had Bethlehem, the Maji and Mary and Joseph aproaching on donkeys. It seemed so good to have something to put on the tree that so deliberately referenced why Christmas means so much to me. It warmed my heart as I placed each one so it could be seen. I wondered if there might be more ornaments out there somewhere that would glorify my savoir.
I pulled a tiny little ornament out that a friend had made me years ago.  I smiled as I thought of how much her ornament meant to me, as much as any on the tree. She would recognize almost all of the ones that were dressy on my tree, for she was there when I bought them many years ago.  I thought of her and wondered if she was having difficulty celebrating Christmas this year because her mother had passed away. The tiny dried roses fell awayfrom the tiny hand made ornament, after all these years. It seemed almost appropriate that they would. I knew I had to replace them, but this year I hung it just as it was, as I prayed for her. I hoped she would not be in a funk, knowing how much she and her mother  shared in the making of gifts.
I placed my tiny angel atop the tree and was glad she lit.  She has always lit. Every year, dependable. I had forgotten some of the ornaments and I realized just how long it had been that I did this and really loved it. It was the way I had always dreamed decorating the Christmas tree would be. I had anticipated doing it all week, had not let the lights frustrate me, did it patiently - and voila.
I had spent a lovely afternoon with the Lord, praying and loving the memories, good memories...and when it was done, the Lord gave me an unexpected gift. I stepped back and there it was, doubled.  There were two trees before me. The large mirror on the side wall reflected the whole tree and doubled the light and sparkle of the original tree. How lovely...
This was the first year I had put the tree up in the front of the house. I usually wanted it to be in the den. I felt a little selfish, because no one else but we could see it. Since putting it in the front room, I have wanted to spend more time there, and it is truly beautiful reflected in the mirror. Plus as my friends and neighbors come in they can enjoy it too. My closest friends have made a point to say they are enjoying it from the road. Who knew that a simple act of placing what you enjoy in a place where others can benefit would bring blessings to them.
My next door neighbor who knew how much I had wanted to decorate just once while mother was alive, listened as I said how I wished she were here and in her right mind. And she said, "why your mother's wishing you could see hers this year, cause it outshines yours 10 to 1."  We both laughed as I realized that she was right. I would far rather my mother was runing on the streets of gold as to be sitting in a wheel chair grumbling about how long it took me to trim my tree.
Yes this is a good year to celebrate Christmas. 
I , my husband and my friend all miss our mothers.  My neighbors grandbaby just went to join them.  Just as I finished the tree, I hurried to go cook something to carry along with another neighbor to our friend whose grand daughter had passed, and I thought. I can't ask for a better Christmas. WE are living in a loving, giving sharing place in this world.  I am thankful, that Christmas gives us a reason to be united by good things, even in the presence of sad things.  I am so glad a God sent his Son that we can have a common bond, a reason and purpose for living each day of our lives. I am so glad we live in a country where we can celebrate with lights and decorations and friends. We can talk of Jesus and Heaven and Bible..
Yes this is a good year to celebrate Christmas.

Lord, thank you for this.   AMEN

A lot accomplished - And a lot of JOY!

Christmas angels so don't represent the Bible
description of angels...but they do fill my girly
love of frilly dolls.

I have to give a great big thanks to my husband for being more supportive than ever in helping me get the Christmas stuff pulled out and in place this year.  He has never liked the "decorating" part of Christmas, but likes for me to do it.  In other words, he likes the results, not the process. He also likes that I like it. But in the past years, I have had to do it all alone too many times, and sometimes just decided that it wasn't worth the effort.  When too weary or pressed for time, I have let it just slide in recent years.  In my childhood, it was such an integral part of our celebration to decorate.  In our family, we all loved it so much that everyone pitched in.  But Jimmy and the kids never really got into it to the point of wanting to help me decorate. In all these years since I married him, it has been a lonely process.  They all liked being a part of it at my sister's house. My children seemed to catch the "Christmas spirit" when with their cousins, but I just couldn't get them into it at home. So I often became discouraged.  It seemed like I was doing it all just for myself.  And I didn't want to do it all just for myself.

Well, this year, I have a new grandbaby, and the free time to pull out everything. I can at least decide if I want to put it up. I have enjoyed doing it so much that I have put out almost everything in the boxes, and once I get the tree lights on, (the hardest part to me,) decorating the tree will be my favorite part.  Then just a few simple things outside and I am done.
What has this to do with prayer, or my Christian walk? It has to do with the fact that just a little help goes such a long way.  Since my husband has been involved even a little bit, I have been encouraged. The smallest thing, like carrying a box or two down stairs when it is empty, and putting it in the correct pile of boxes...the fact that he cared enough to place a box in the box stack that is empty, not just anywhere, speaks volumns to his attitude.  It says he cares this year, in a way that makes me feel good about what I am doing. In reciprocation, I tried to hear his voice as well. He has complained a lot about my not having curtains over the window where we planned to put the tree. The old drapes were dingy, and dated. I had washed them, and not put them back up.  So I decided to get something up on the windows. It was a small thing, but it seemed to lead to Jimmy wanting to help me put up the tree. So we fluffed the whole tree together without one single arguement.  That my friends is a miracle for us. WE can't do anything without arguing.  But lately that has been changing. After 42 years we are somehow finding out how to work together. This will be my best Christmas present ever. I feel like it is coming from God.  To actually enjoy cleaning and decorating my house for Christmas has been like a dream that  I had given up on.  And this year, it is a dream come true.  Even if I never finish everything I wanted to do, I am blessed already to have come so far in just a few days. Years of working so hard to make this happen for other people, and doing without for myself and my family had made me dread the Christmas season.  In just a few days, that all has changed.

Well, not in just a few days, because it began some time ago when I gave into my circumstances and simply accepted them. But the last few days have "sealed the deal". One of the things that has always been a problem for me, is Jimmy's work hours. His working nights, left me without enough rest.  As long as I fought being awake at night when he came home, and refused to sleep in the day, unless I passed out asleep, I couldnt' get things done. Then it occurred to me, that if Iwas going to have to be awake in the middle of the night, then I might as well find something to do besides trying to go back to sleep. A couple of things happened. When I awakened in the morning, I felt a sense of accomplishment, knowing something on my to do list was already done.  I didn't have the  guilt complex that I normally lived with, feeling I needed to get something done that would disturb Jimmy's sleep. I had always felt helpless, that I cared so much about his getting rest, but he didn't seem to care that he disturbed my getting rest. I dragged into work, and passed out the minute I walked in the door after work. Always blaming my blackouts on my sugar levels, I never really gave enough credence to the fact that I didn't get undisturbed sleep.  So now if I get 4 hours at night and 4 hours some time in the day. I just appreciate the hours when I am awake, and try to do things when I am the most awake.  My life doesn't fit the life the outside world lives, but it fits us. And for now, I am just trying to "count it all joy." 

Christmas tidings of "Joy to the World" are my theme this year. I want to be joyful. I believe it is where the Lord calls me to be. In a state of Joy. God smiles when we have joy. When we chose to celebrate in Joy. Rejoicing is the spirit God choses for us. Why not live in it?  Today I am praying for this kind of Joy for everyone I know.  A peaceful acceptance of our circumstances, that allows us to think about them differently than we might have or have in the past.  A renewal of our minds that leads to a newness in everyday life that exemplifies the Joy that God has planned to give us. 
Thank you, Lord for JOY today.  I love Christmas and all that it means because you were born into this world. When your mother saw your baby face, she could not have imagined your horrible yet magnificient sacrifice.  Her feelings were feelings of JOY. Perhaps coupled with so many other emotions, but everything about Christmas, including the singing of Angels lets me know that you want us to have Joy when I celebrate your birth.  Please Lord, spread that joy around the globe this year. Not because of gifts, and decorations, but because of You. Then let us  give good gifts, and celebrate in the best way we are able. Always with Joy!

I am also doing something else this year. I am forgiving myself for all the times I failed my family and couldn't make their Christmas as wonderful as I wanted it to be. But also I am forgiving my self for little things. Like the fact that these pictures are dark. It is considered poor form to put poor pictures on your blog. However, it has been raining for several days, and these were the best picures I could get without more light.  I cannot make the lovely warm glow of the lights to be as comforting here as they actually are. But I forgive myself for falling short of perfection. I am counting it all joy. Everything. I am accepting my circumstances, and allowing something short of perfection! That is definitely a part of finding Joy.

Thanksgiving, my favorite time of year...

I don't exactly know why Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but it is. I love the smell of the foods cooking, and I actually love cooking it, but I love it traditionally the way my MOM cooked it.  I don't like changing it up much.  Some of my favorite foods, are now some of the foods that I can't or shouldn't eat.  The health thing gets in the way the older you get.  Shouldn't have the fruit salad I love more than any food in world, the dressing and gravy that we make with so much sage it's green in color.  The pumpkin pie, pecan pie  or sweet potatoes with nuts and marshmellows... But I do love the turkey...I so look forward to at least eating some turkey.  But now they want to fry it, marinate it, or stuff it with unfamiliar flavors and unless I cook one just for me... no warm turkey smelling up my kitchen fresh from the oven.  So, the one thing left is to be with family..and I am going to focus on being thankful for that.  It wouldn't matter, I am just plain thankful for so much. One or two years ago, there was so much I was fearful that we would have lost by now.  Now we are on the other side of the losses and I have lived through the fears as we lost loved ones and friends, and God allowed that a number of other things were not lost, and I just feel content. I am thankful to be content.  I am blessed to be content.  I have a new grandson, who amazes me everyday, and that alone is BIG in the things to be thankful for.  I just want to have some fun this thanksgiving.  To enjoy the day.  I want to celebrate the fact that each day I wake and there are still things that I want to do.  Just knowing I don't have to do them, I just can if I want to is something I am thankful for.  No demands, or quandries about how do I juggle it all.  Just get up and plan my day. Pray, or write or do art a little and accomplish something I was looking forward to doing and hadn't gotten around to.  I have begun to dream a little again. Something I had put on hold I guess.  That's a marvelous freedom.  I am thankful for the God who walks with me every minute, a savoir, a friend, a companion, a provider.  And once again I am reminded that I am content. 
I wish a few things had gone differently in the last year or two.  But I give that to Jesus.  There is a quietness that overcomes me when I am in this special place of being content. People often think I am mad who are around me, because I am ususally quiet.  But that's just it. My soul is quiet. No noise in my head or anxiousness in my heart. Just quiet. My favorite place to be.  A stillness in my emotions. And for that I am thankful.
I have a lot of needs, but tomorrow I refuse to think about all I need, but rather to celebrate the things God has not taken away.  And that's a lot. 

Lord, I wasn't sure what you intended to do in my life a short while back.  I still don't see the plan in some areas.  But where I am, is just fine as long as you are here to give me this marvelous contentment. Thank you, AMEN

Galations 3 and 4 Exposition on Law vs. Faith

See the note below on how this picture applies to this blog.

  I am not sure why I never really considered the truths of Galatians 3 and 4 and prized them as much as I have recently. It is a valuable tool in understanding that we should not place our souls into the mish-mash of trying to determine our eternity based on how well we keep the commandments. Where did the Christian community go so wrong in sprinkling in a few commandments here and a few there to make faith more complete? WHY is faith not enough. Is it bland like an unsalted bean, so we feel we need to spice it up? Or are we just not sure that faith is just that simple? Can we not accept the gift of God? Do we reject that a loving Lord would just provide us everything we need to have a fulfilled spiritual life?

Is it too easy?  It was very hard for him.  It took Him several hundred years to set up so we had volumes of documents and lifetimes to show us we couldn't achieve a spiritual peace on our own, or that we would ultimately fail under the law. It took him sending his beloved Son to die on a cross to make it possible, indelible. He went to great lengths. To make sure that it was all written down. 

Galatians says in no uncertain terms that God clearly dealt with His Old Testament believers without the law for 430 years before he gave them the Law.  Why did He give the Law anyway? and set up a whole priesthood to help the people keep the commandments?  Well, there seem to be two basic reasons. One is to make it clear that we are incapable of keeping them. To help us see that the standards of God are pretty high. WE need God to help us live to any level of the the standard. But the second one is that some of those things in the law are all about preserving us. God's form of Eco preservation. If He hadn't helped to preserve the nation of Israel, Jesus would have not been a Jew. LOL It was about showing us that there are certain things in life that if not taken seriously, will lead us to extinction. How we eat, if we rest, how we treat one another, if we kill one another irresponsibly, how much we respect the possesions of others as belonging to them.  Ecologists act as though these concepts are something new they thought up. The reason being, we have lost our way. Do the laws of God have relativity in the modern world. More so than ever, because we humans are on a collision course with our undiscipled lifestyles.  Are we more unlawful in God's eyes than any of our predecessors? NO We totally are no different than any before us. There are just so many  more of us that the consequences are catching up with us. Will we ever be able to turn it around. No. It's fruitless...to beleive that Utopia will come to earth. But not fruitless, to try to live healthier, treat others well as much as we are able, and not make what we do be detrimental to others, and our environment, or to that of future inhabitants of this creation. But ultimately, it is like any other thing in the universe. Someday, in someway, God must intervene. There must be renewal or a remake. So the Lord gave us some direction. Do we therefore get busy keeping the law with more determination?  AHHH the delimna.  Back again to working harder at keeping the law.  Jesus summed it up. He said the law was all rolled up in Loving God more than anything, and loving others in the same manner we love ourselves.  The implication being that we should also find a place to love ourselves. Scripture also gives direction to chose life....so oddly, we start with asking ourselves do we, or can we, at least try to love ourselves, enough to desire a realtionship with our creator, and then give that same opportunity to all others?  Taking care of the earth, ourselves and other people becomes a matter of respecting what belongs to God. Some will make that their life's journey, Some will stop there, thinking that if they just do their part on this earth that God will be pleased enough somehow to take them into his eternal blessing. Some will work harder and harder to make a difference, and proudly so, but fall short.

Use the gage.
If we use all the oil deposits, will all our environmental efforts bring it back. NO
If we change the chemical makeup of our air, can we change it back to oxygen? NO
If we cut so many trees...replant enough trees...etc., etc....
So if it is so impossible, why are we so responsible?  WE are not. God made us stewards of HIS work. But His Creation is HIS Creation. The point being, that at some point we must incorporate the God of Creation back into the resolution. So it is with our salvation. Why not sooner than later?  So then the question is do we couple the law with our salvation?  Only to the extent that by knowing it, we can try to work with respect to God's laws. God set up plans for renewal, replenishment, return. Almost anything in His creation works on a cycle.  It is beyond our ablility to see how the whole of our universe recycles itself. But on smaller scales, we see that other things in our universe circle around until the time they have extinguished their purpose, and they disentegrate.
It isn't news to God that things expire. The life death cycle of humans demonstrates that things should be expected to expire. The renewal is in the fact that we reproduce. The laws of God, and not just those written on behavoir in Old Testament Scripture, are about how this will continue when our earth expires from the universe.
People talk about the end of the world, thinking that it will be over when something catastrophic comes. But the other more wonderful element of God's law of "re" is that He made a way that supernaturally, we are renewed to a place in a realm we cannot fathom. The world in which God resides. We think of it as being out there somewhere. A heaven beyond the horizons of our solar system?  I don't think so. I believe that it is a realm into which only our souls may go because it is of something totally beyond our understanding.  I don't believe in re-incarnation, because I beleive in the principle of expiration and recreation as much as I believe in the law of renewal. There will be a time of extinction for this physical world. What if that dreaded catastrophe comes while people still inhabit the earth? Did God just forget that? No He made way that we could be a part of His spiritual realm.  Who knows.  Maybe there will be yet another realm beyond Heaven. But I know that it will be as impossible for me to get there on my own as Heaven is a place to which I have absolutely no power to transport myself there.  At some point, the God of the Universe must intervene. I am in the end, totally at His mercy. No amount of anything I can do to work within His laws endows me with power to do the Godly, impossible tasks of keeping things going. Yet I am not only a part of the laws of God, and ruled by the laws of God, I am in existance due to the laws of God.
Simply, the laws of God are not something I do or keep, but are something that exists to keep me. So what do I do with the laws of God. I live within them to the best of my ablility to make those choices, simply because God gave me the right to make choices. Why did He do that? So I would need to get to know more about Him. Giving me the choice to live outside of His laws, can in fact help me understand that it doesn't work, and may give me a reason to seek the companionship of God to know how I might have life and that more abundantly. Everything God did in creating man, as about allowing us to make a choice to be His friend, to get to know Him, fall in love with Him, to desire His presense, and involvement in my life. 
A keyboard is useless if you don't type. Electric lines are powerless without a source of energy. Life doesn't go on without water. Tools are of no value without a purpose and a person or machine to use them for that purpose. These are all kind of "laws".  Mathmatics is a set of laws. Because they are laws, there is an element of dependability about them. The items are useful because the laws reguarding their use are dependable. I can say certain things are true, and can build upon that truth.  That is the requard God would have us give to His laws.  Use them as tools to build upon. But don't count on them to give eternal life. They can describe the paths to eternal life. I can build hope upon them. I can have understanding about Justification, value, and Redemption which are all legal terms. But they are the description of how it works, not the essence of how it works.  Grace by faith is HOW it works.  It is when God intervenes to bring life to the law.
Precious Lord, how do I praise you enough for the laws of life and eternity. How do I place you in the box in my mind that tries to understand the magnificance of a God who is that big? Thank you that all you really want is me, a loving relationship with me.  That a place a value on that leaves me humble     and desirous to be ever aware of your indwelling companionship.  YOU came into me... and you wanted to be there enough to go beyond your own laws to make it happen.  Much Love Jesus. And praise! Thank you. AMEN

The picture at the top of the blog is of a fractal. Fractals are the visible result of placing points on a grid of numeric values derived from a type of function or mathmatical equation.  The resulting answer to this kind of equation is dimensional because there are an infinite number of answers to the problem. The resulting image is both infinite and repetitious. It is also artistic and generally intricately beautiful. A flat image can not present the full depth of these graphics. A 3 dimensional rendition is however impossible because the image is infinite.  Therefore we must use our imagination and possibly a little virtual zoom to see the repeated pattern being reworked an infinite number of times.  I love these images because to me, they are as close as I can come to getting a visual of the law of God of renewal.  I also love that it takes a mental exercise to imagine the concept of this pattern being set and going on for ever into infinity directionally, and expansionallly, for ever near,forever far, forever large, forever small, and larger than is possible to construct even virtually.  They are an artistic picture of the laws of God in practice. The law is in place. The math has been revealed to us. The tools have been made to make the picture visible. It is up to man to plug in the numbers to the formula.  Since that is also beyond our ability to do without the help of the computer, we don't even have to plug in the numbers. but rather slide a button along a line and determine the place in the numerical values of the color spectrum and hit enter. Et Viola ~ That's how it is with God's law and how we are to live within its perameters. Just plug in the numbers, so to speak.  Use God's laws to make our lives beautiful. Recognize their capacity, enormity, boundaries, and see them as reasonable patterns for a good life that God intended to go on and on. But when we break the pattern, life does not go on and on. There fore God must intervene to renew the pattern.  I love the deep things of God. and I love fractals for being a visual on the laws of God.  As a child I saw this in the simple exercise of setting a mirror to reflect something in another mirror. You've done it. the reflection goes on and on... Same principle but more linear than the fractal. Jesus said he was the light of the world. Light is intricate in concept.  The thing Jesus was telling us was that the act of salvation is just that intricate. The laws of God are just that magnanamous and beautiful. In order to bring out that beauty, we need only plug in the numbers. Use the laws to bring infinite beauty into our lives.   

Sharing Blessings and Sorrows

Today, my neighbor's grandchild died.  I am so sorry for this family who has prayed and loved the little one to the age of 7 months.  But since the Lord decided to take her home, I can so relate.  When God chose to take my little grand-daughter, it took me forever to see her in Heaven.  I knew in my heart she was there, but I just couldn't get past the grave. I pray for this family, and the upcoming months of emotional stuff they will have to endure.  But I thank God for their testimony to us all while they waited on the Lord.

I went back and forth this week on whether to put my long blog onto Christy's page - Wings, or here on the Garden.  So I am linking to "My Wings Are Made of Faith" so that it can be read from both blogs.   I have several things I gleaned from researching the battle between living under the law, and living by faith.  It is unclear to many Christians what God expects of us.  I am so glad for Galations 3 & 4 which makes it very clear.

Once we realize that God is the one who brings victory to our battles over sin, and satan, we can find release from sin, and from the power of Satan. We can choose to send Satan Packin'. In today's blog on Wings, Lori discusses freedom from fear, tomorrow I show how Paul taught the Galations freedom from serving the Law.  In both cases, we look to the cross and make decisions to act on our faith. 

I thank God for the ability to claim the power that comes with the cross and a knowlege of a risen savoir, that allows us to paint the blood on the doorposts of our future, to enter boldly the paths God asks us to trod, and expect victory over Satan and Sin...and put fear in it's place.

I praise you dear Lord. AMEN

Thankful for the Leaves in Fall

This morning the leaves from the trees are falling like flakes of snow, softly making shadows through every window in the house. Since I was a child, one of the things that made me feel God was present most was the constantcy of the seasons.  When the leaves fell, and the cold came I wondered why God made winter. I was much older of course when I understood the parallels between the season of rest, and how God allows the plants to die back to their roots or bare branches, so that in the spring there may be renewal and fresh growth. Just as Jesus died and was buried, and resurrected so that the church might have life and flourish, each Fall the seasons begin the cycle over again.  Many people think of Spring as the "beginning" of the seasons, but I think of fall. It is the time to me when things begin the process of starting all over, with a fresh start.  I like to think of prayer in the fall, as a time when I can make a concerted effort to allow the things that have withered in my life to fall away. To seek a clean slate, allow the cold crisp winds of the spirit of God to kill back the failing efforts of my busy-ness and prepare me, give me rest, and allow me to get back to the sustenance of the roots of my Christianity.  It is this natural cylce of things that allows me to have peace with God.  There are so many ways that God tells us it's OK to let go of the things that were once the very essence of what we depended on for daily life - jobs, relationships, material things, health, all are not permanent.  They are a part of life, and add to the fullness of life, but they are disposable.  Yes even relationships can be allowed to drop away. I can't even count the times I have listened to a friend or family member who was torn apart by whether it was OK with God to walk away from a relationship that was not working. Relationships that cause pain, and are basically dying, need to be dropped like a leaf. I am not advocating leaving marriages casually, but when they don't work, and the time comes that there is no life in them, or one of the partners is not commited, God understands the need for a fresh starts.  He allows us to wipe the slate clean, cast off sin, or hinderances on our lives like the trees dropping leaves. There comes a time when it is the season to drop everything that has run its course, or is withering with age, or simply needing to go. 
The concept is visible in several of Jesus parables or picture stories...like the question that he asked about putting new wine in old wineskins. (Matthew 9, Mark 2, and Luke 5.) Or patching worn fabric with new cloth. He says that it is an absolute waste to spend the time, use the resources, or hold out hope for success in the effort.  He says to allow God to supply new jugs, new clothes, new beginnings.  The number 8 is about new beginnings. The eighth month of the year is August. Immediately following are the Cleansing months. Fall and Winter reflect the times in our lives that we slowly recognize that is time to let things go, and one by one we can let things fall away. Then there is a time of adjustment, that parallels with winter, while we rest and regroup.  It takes time after life's hard spots to let go, and then it takes time to process what has happened, before we are ready for the warm winds of Spring. 
The seasons of life are often seen as birth, youth, adult productivity, and old age. I like to see the seasons in smaller units.  I like having a few more points in time where it's OK to start with a new clean future. Fortunately, God allows that it can be everyday, if we need.  But the great joy is that God allows, encourages, plans for and expects us to have seasons in our lives.  He understands that sometimes on a regular basis, the old "stuff" just needs to go.

Lord, I am so glad that the falling leaves don't fall until they have turned those gorgeous colors.  As they drop like snow this morning, the trees are looking so barren, but the ground is just beautiful!  Your message to my heart seems to be that although some things in my life seem too beautiful to be ready to be separated from...precious friends and family who are dying or have died...but they are passing into a beautiful beginning too. And there are other things too that I have some difficulties parting with, so I am trying to see the beauty in letting them go. I am trying to look into the future with hope for the spring that I can be assured will come, because you are in control.  You want us to have joy even in the seasons of letting go. To have assurance that there is beauty in everything, including loss.  Help me and those who may need this truth today to count it all joy.  Even as the falling leaves bring me joy, make me smile and think of you, help me to see the falling away of the fading leaves of my life as beautiful, and may they always make me think of you as a loving God who allows the load we carry just drop away.  Love you - Father, Son and Spirit- all, AMEN

IT KEEPS ME GOING

AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

WHAT A BLESSING

Even in Pain We Learn

Today on My Wings Are Made of Faith, I wrote a blog about Unconditional Love. When I sat down to post it, on Thursday, I had a migraine that had almost grown to full force. I don't know about other people's strong headaches, but I know that mine sort of grow to an intensity that I can no longer stand, and then when I have finally taken enough meds to knock it out, I crash and sleep for hours.  But while it is intense, I can't see clearly and my body hurts all down my spine and out into the extremities. When it goes away, it goes away slowly too.  Even after my head stops hurting, my spine continues to hurt for several hours.  Well, I was in the I can't see stage when I was trying to put up my post.

I normally certainly wouldn't find it necessary to tell my readers this, but today I want to show God's grace.  I had also made a nice peice of art to go with the blog. But it wouldn't load from my laptop.  I decided to email it to my PC in order to post it. But my head hurt so badly, I couldn't find where I saved it. I finally decided, I would just post it somewhere today.  In addition, I couldn't see to do the edits on my post.  A couple of edits I thought I had made were not corrected when I read it this morning, so somehow I managed not to save them.  So am I kicking myself this morning. Normally, my perfectionistic self would be hating that I let it go up that way.  But this morning, I have decided to take my own advise and love myself unconditionally.  Flaws and all.  I would like to go back in and correct the errors. And I often will on this blog. But I decided not to today, just so I can make this point.  Sometimes we must accept our circumstances, pain, and flaws and continue to love ourselves.

My favorite saying I have heard lately is the one that is on the Facebook page, Breath Of Fresh Air, which says "I may not be perfect but Jesus thinks I'm to die for."  This morning on Joyce Myers' TV program, she was talking about unconditional love taking some time and effort.  Sometimes years of hanging in there trying to learn to communicate. It is things like this that help me know I am on the right track when listening to God's still small voice. Because the Holy Spirit is sharing God's message with lot's of people.  He wants us to hear him giving us the message that He feels is necessary for the day.  So even in my pain, I learned from the message God gave me to post, and although I am not happy about the headache, or the fact that there are errors in grammar in my post, I can be more than happy that Jesus who loved me, wants me to love myself, 'cause He thought I was lovable enough to die for. 

Lord Jesus, thank you for giving me peace about not being perfect this morning, that I can go on with my day knowing that you will work your love, and grace whether I am perfect or not.  Counting on it. Cause your word will not return void. Love you, Jesus. AMEN

Think Barbeque, or Steaks on the Grill

Today's devotion from Joseph Prince, speaks of the burnt offerings in the temple having a sweet fragrance before God.  I have to admit, that when I think of the Temple, it sometimes seems like a grusome slaughter house.  I understand that it provided the food for the temple staff, and I even can stretch my mind around the concept of how these sacrifices picture Christ's death meeting the many needs of sinners for a savoir.  But sometimes, I have to think, "why didn't God choose something less gorey to provide our salvation.  It sometimes seems no less ungodly as a tribal man sacrificing children to volcanoes. But, God wished to give us a more precious picture.  I never really saw past the sacrifice to the glory until this morning.  After the sacrifice was offered up, washed and totally unbloody on the altar, it was burned.  "Grilled!" We burn beef all the time, and love, love love the smell of it as we wait paitently to consume it.  The smell of the temple would be a good one. Like the fragrance of a good restaurant that makes us hungry.  God was wanting us to relate the sacrifice of Jesus to what comes after the shedding of blood.  Like the delightful fragrance of meat on the grill that calls us to gather at the table, the resurrection of Christ was the sweet fragrance of God's Hunger to comune with man on an intimate and family/friend level.  It is a symbol of God's desire to meet with us often through the day, as with when we would eat. It is a symbol of God's desire that we take a break from the work and weariness of living in this world and spend it satiating the hunger that has grown within us. But also to fill us with something of himself.  To be blessed by the goodness before us. To find sustenance to go on. It is the symbol of repetition as an element of coming to join with Him often. And in a manner that is not just necessary, but is a time of pleasure. It is a symbol of being drawn to the time by the sweet fragrance of it, just as our favorite foods would make us look fondly to sitting down to supper.  Isn't that a wonderful way to see the sacrifice of Jesus.
So often we concentrate on the horror of Christ's Death, that we just don't see how God wants us to remember it. The Lord's Supper itself was a repeat of this concept. He said, as oft as you do this, do it in rememberance of me.  What did he tell them to remember? That they had broken bread together...the blessing of being in his presence for all those many meals, and especially this His last. That they drank a refreshing drink, just as any group of friends might, when they are celebrating a holiday meal.  And He wanted them to remember, not that this was their last meal, but their first in a New Tradition. They would depart from the symbolism of the passover, when the death Angel passed over, and begin a new reason to gather in rememberance of His being the last sacrificial lamb, which would finally bring to them freedom from sin, and entry into new life.  A sweet time, full of fragrance, and a longing to remedy the hunger within.  That's what the burnt offering was about. And that perfect picture is how God wants us to see ourselves, because it is how He sees us ever since the death and resurrection of Christ....to all who will come to the feast. God laid out the table and he smells the sweet small of steaks on the grill. He says to all who smell the wafting of the smoke....
"Come 'n Eat."

Thank you Dear Father, for this image of how you saw the sacrifice of the savoir.  Each time the priests put up the burnt offerings, it was like smelling steaks on the grill to you. It was just you looking forward to the day that we would all gather round and spend time feeding at your table.  And you wanted it to be as easy and as fulfilling as sitting down to a good meal. You wanted us to come hungry. You wanted us to smell of the smoke, cause you wanted us to be so drawn by the fragrance that we just could hardly wait to be there.  Pure Joy! Oh my I'm getting hungry.  Thank you for this time together. AMEN

A Perspective on Love: Let me introduce you to Spence Gourley

I recently was able to make Spence a friend on Facebook, son of one of my husband's cousins - a long time friend and precious family. But we moved away before I got to know Spence very well.  At a family event I was introduced to his ability to sketch and asked him to consider being a member of a gallery of Artists that I was considering blogging about.  He said he would consider and when I had an opportunity to make him a friend I was glad to make the connection. But as a result, I have been able to be blessed by Spence's wonderful approach to being a young Christian man.  From his facebook comments and simple testimonies of faith, it quickly became appearant that he listens to the voice of God, and seeks his will. 
As a result, I wanted to share occasionally this young man's outlook, and how God speaks to his heart.

This blog: a perspective on -  LOVE, by Spence Gourley
Hello all, once again. It is a lot sooner than I expected to have another thing up. But God spoke and I listened. He wants me to explain what He has taught me about love. Like always I have no set plan or expectations for this. If I did then there would be no room for the flawless mind and organization of God. He knows love better than any.

Love is explained to us in 1 Corinthians 13.  So, I will start there, it seems like the right thing to do.

1 Corinthians 13: 4-13

“⁴ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; ⁵ does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; ⁶ does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; ⁷ bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
⁸ Love never fails. But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part. ¹⁰ But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.
¹¹ When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. ¹² For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.
¹³ And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

I have read this scripture many times and my guess is that you have too.  Wanting to know what true love is. How we know when we find that special someone, how we should feel towards our family and friends, how we should treat our enemies.  I always got caught up in what it should feel like; how I should act to truly love someone.  But I thought about it more and more and I prayed to know what true love is.  Then it hit me right between the eyes! You know that feeling when you figure something out and when you do you could kick yourself because the answer was so obvious? Maybe I’m just way behind the rest of the world but it doesn’t seem like God was describing an emotion here. He was describing Himself.  All of these facts are a perfect match to our Savior and Creator. With this new realization in my life I have come to many new conclusions.

Relationships are something that we try to preserve by our own power. That is why they come and go. We are finite beings so we could never create anything infinite no matter how hard we try. If something has a beginning then it is inevitable that it will have an end.  The only way we can have a hope that something will last forever is to trust the promise that God made when He said, “Love never fails.” He is Love. He will never fail.

I’m just going to get to the meat, or the bones. Whichever. Anyway, we all wonder how we will know when we meet that special someone we will spend the rest of our lives with.  When we meet that someone and we fall in love and the scriptures say it will never fail. That is so incredible and encouraging.  But the only way we as finite beings have any hope of something infinite is to trust God, the only infinite being in existence.  God is not seen. I am thankful for this. If I saw God my eyeballs would probably shoot out the back of my head. I digress. But God is Love. If two people want to fall in love then they have to share that bond that one thing in common. God is the only source of unfailing love because He is the only thing that is unfailing and flawless.  We get caught up in trying to make something work by our power. We could do it but it would fall and fail with time. Anything that operates on time will be destroyed by time.  If we want to be fall in true Love we must be connected by God.  My dad once said, “If you go looking for love you will find something and it will fail. But if you let it find you it will be real.” This is so true. When we were sinners had no hope of survival God found us in the darkness and called out to us.  It was our choice to respond back and to accept His eternal love or to leave it. It must be the same for any other love in our life because God is never changing.

We have outward appearance and beauty to attract us to one another.  We could base our relationship off of this alone if we wanted but that would be relying on things we see.  The true beauty that binds two people is deep within.  It is my belief that God makes people in pairs. He doesn’t make them at the same “time.” But “time” doesn’t matter to God. He sees the big picture. He made us in His image (Genesis 1:27).  He is infinite so He has plenty of things about Himself to make individual unique people. At the same time we all come from the same source so there is someone that is a perfect match for each and everyone of us! This is where unfailing love kicks in. We have to search deep down within someone to find that part of God that matches up with our own part of God.  When those two meet they are inseparable because they are one. They are Love with is God. Be encouraged.  Don’t get discouraged when you haven’t found that special someone. But instead look for God in everyone then you will find a part of him or her that will bind you forever.  God is Love and He will never fail.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This is a post from is facebook page this month:"Dear Future Wife,
 You cannot bring me happiness. I will not wait on you to do something you can't. My joy rests in Jesus. I don't even know for sure if you exist. The only thing that is certain is that I'm a sinner who deserves hell, but I've been saved by grace. Jesus will always be my happiness and joy. When I do meet you though I will love you all the days of my life. You will be a cherished blessing and gift from The Most High."Spence's prayer desire for us "is to just stay patient with the lost and focused on the Savior."

Lord, I am in agreement with Spence on this kind of love to have with our unsaved friends and family. You are willing to be patient and lead a lost soul along slowly until they see You Love them.  And we must learn to stay focused on you our Savoir.  If our eyes are on the things of life they overwhelm us.  Thank you for being the very definition of Love, and for helping Spence share it with us so well. Amen

A True Picture

My personal prayer garden has to include flowers. But I am not entirely sure that the actual Garden Of Gethsemane had flowers except when the Olive Trees bloomed.  I have often searched for information that gave a more realistic look at what the garden where Jesus prayed may have looked like.  This week I finally found information that gave me a more truthful look.  I have come to realize that Jesus may have gone there more for the symbolism than for the beauty of the garden, but I am sure whether a grove of olive trees looks less than "beautiful" to me, it was a place that Jesus loved to go. Today, gnarly semi-dwarfed, olive trees that are possibly hundreds of years old are sparcely scattered, and gravel like paths segregate them into loneliness on a bland beige hillside.  Not what it is believed to have been like when Jesus walked and prayed there.  In the day of King Herod, beautiful architecture and gardens and modern living were key to his staying in favor with Rome.  He hob-knobbed with the important emmisaries of his day. He wanted them to have a beautiful city to visit.
The Garden of Gethsemane was believed to be a gorgeous plush hillside, covered in productive olive trees and was "the view" from the Lion's Gate of the Temple. David, the former King of Israel made the road up to the summit of the Mt of Olives famous, because it is the direction in which he fled when he was pursued by his son Absolom, who wanted David's throne and sought to take it by force. So it was historical, and important to the people for hundreds of years. As you cross the brook Kidron, one of the first things you pass , as you begin to climb the Mt. of Olives, is the Garden of Gethsemane. Prime "Real Estate," in its time.  And it was a place where at the foot of the mount, on a busy thorough fare, a producer of Olive Oil, (the business to have in Jesus' day) had a successful grove of olive trees where the wine press could be found. More than likely, the owner pressed oil, and carried it to the market in Jerusalem on a daily basis for sale, as long as the olives were ripe for pressing.  The remainder of the year, this place was where the trees were tended to produce the most fruit.  It was probably leafless in the winter?  I am not sure, I should check to see if olive trees lose their leaves.  But were the winter birds seeking seed that fell to the ground during the harvest?  I can imagine that in the spring the flowering trees drew bees and sent a wafting sweetness across the countryside. It was a changing, growing, seasonal garden, and I will begin to look at it differenly, as I imagine my Lord praying there.  I am already excited. Because I already have seen what a great place it was, and I am delighted to grow in the Lord as he shares with me why He loved it so.

A place that was important to you Lord, is important to me.  I am realizing that Places were significant to you. Whether places in time, or places on earth, or a place in the universe....Places have significance to you.  Lord, teach me more about the places that have meaning to you, but also give me a truthful mental picture of each one. Help me share your love of each and every place. AMEN

The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

My sister had invited me to come meet her new love. I can't remember if they were married yet, but I think they were.  Mom had done the unthinkable, and had sent my sister packing from home.  Mama couldn't accept her free spirit, and because of that we hadn't seen her for several months. My husband had become concerned about her and had begun searching for her earlier, and discovered someone driving her little red doodle bug without her in it. His imagination went to the worst of our fears and he followed the person driving all over Charlotte until he simply couldn't any more. This began a series of events that led to us finding her, and inviting her over for spagetti dinner to our house with a friend.  She looked surprisingly good, had found a good job, and was well on her way to getting settled into an apartment.  She never told us of how scared she was at night of the noises in and around that new apartment, or how dramatic the elements of her new life were playing out to a scenario of exploitation by the people around her.  She just kept believing that there was good in the world, and hiding her hurt, and pretending things were great.  Well they weren't, but there was a good guy on the horizon.  Her knight in shining armor, handsome as any fairy tale prince could possibly be, and ready to defend her against the evils of this world. And he did.
I will never forget the first time I saw his face. The two of them had escaped to Florida to live for a while, and like many young men, this dashing X Navy shipman, drank too much.  A lonely Florida apartment in Cocoa Beach proved to be way too lonely for my sister, and the dynamics of their new relationship, with the love of her life spending too much time with his drink, almost ruined everything. He had saved her, but now he was not saving himself.
My sister never spoke much of the details of that time, but I am sure she wondered how she ended up getting out of the fire but into the frying pan, and decided she had enough to come back home.  But our brave knight who had rescued her, realized his prize was worthy of love, and he returned with her to Charlotte to become her forever love. Parting their youthful mistakes, they found a nice little place to live and she invited me over to meet him.  I had no idea what he looked like, and my expectations were of someone similiar to the boys she had gone biking with in earlier years.
She was taking a bath when I arrived early, her familiar Tigress Cologne wafting through the air.  I was first amused that her kitten was also taking a bath. Whose cat likes a bath? In fact I was so amazed I almost forgot about meeting her special man. As I turned from the room to go out to the living room to wait while she dressed, I faced a huge poster on the hall wall, that I had completely missed coming down the hall.  On it were three amazingly handsome men, and I jested, "you better take take this poster down before he gets here. He is liable to be jealous of you having giant pictures of handsome men hanging all out in the open. Ha ha."  "He's one of them," she called back. " "Well I am sure he is handsome, but don't you think he might like a picture of him hanging instead."  "It is him. Well one of them is. He and a couple of buddies had that made." I suddenly became scared to meet him. These men needed to be in a magazine somewhere. That poster would have sold a million copies too. Wow. Wow was all I could think.
Then I realized I couldn't imagine which one he was. "Which one?"  Of course he was the best of the three. I suddenly was afraid I would act like a blooming idiot in front of my sister's new man. I was star struck. "He won't look so good when he gets home from work, he will be covered in concrete." She was so kind to not be smug and take advantage of the obvious amazement in my voice.  Not that she didn't merit such a man, but we both knew he looked like a movie star. Instead she was excited for me to meet him, because she truly loved him.
"Where does work?" "He is on the construction crew that is building the nuclear plant." "Nuclear plant?" "Yeah, you know, to make electricity."  Yeah, I knew what a nuclear plant was, but I had been in such a small world being pregnant with three babies one right after the other, that I didn't even know they were building a nuclear power plant. Until this day, every time a see a macho poster of construction workers, I think of how my new brother in law was on the best one I ever saw.

Now he is gone to be with Jesus, and all I can think of is how that wasn't so long ago...
Even though he half adopted my kids and treated them as his own, and years of his big heartedness have past, I can only see it as yesterday. He always spoiled my children so badly, that I had to discipline them for a week after they got home when they went to visit in the summer. I sometimes couldn't get them back once he took them off to wonderland. Their summers were full of delights that no one else in the world would have allowed.  My sister's hilarity allowed her husband to get in the middle of the wildest of kid friendly plans. Food fights, with a hundred dollar's worth of food.  Fireworks over the fishing pond, enough to make the pros jealous. Fishing, swimming, and gaming into the deep of the night and early morning.  Costumes, and decorations, and jobs.  He gave them jobs and paid them money to work! And then he let them spend it! How could parents compete with all that?
Unique in this world, beyond description, it leaves a huge hole in time and space to have him slip into the realm beyond.  But all I can say is look out Heaven, here he comes!  I wonder if they are having so much fun!!!! Oh God, we will miss him down here!!!!!!!!!!
Love always, Good Bye, until we meet again beloved friend.

"God my sister needs you today. Please be near her......I have no words.  All I can think of is the first time I saw his face. It was only yesterday.......OH LORD, help us to live with out him."

To my readers. please forgive my typos etc. I can't read this through my tears....

Blessings

My key board is a blessing to me. Is it merely a coincidence that there are a lot of 2's involved in playing it?

A Bible word that puzzled me as a child was the word Blessing, or Blessed.  People always pronounced it Bless - ed. To so many, the blessings of God revolve around physical and financial needs being met, but after closer examination, I found it not to be so true with God.  Instead,  blessings were assurances that what one has done or expects to do with life is going to be successful in some way. For example, the well known Beattitude: Blessed are they who mourn, for they shall be comforted.  Not a reward, but a result.  A lot of God's words of instruction are about a result or a consequence of the initial action.  Blessing is just such a word describing the result of many actions of men in the history of the Bible.

I have studied the numbers in the Bible for years.  Some time in my early teens, the number 7 became my favorite.  I didn't know at the time that all the Bible numbers came with a significant meaning. And in the many years since, I had not come across anything that made the meaning of the number "2" clear to me.  I had been told by a wise educator that 2 meant Blessing, but I couldn't quite make the connection. But lately, God is emphasizing that truth every way I turn.

Let us begin with the fact that he gave us two hands and two feet.  We are a species which is primarily bipedal.  There are very few species that are able to function, using thier hands to accomplish so much with such dexterity. The use of our hands can be an element of our becoming successful.  But the scriptures make specific note of our hands, when it mentions in several locations, that when we worship and pray, the result of being blessed in our souls is that we lift our hands in praise.  It doesn't say how high, but it is a natural thing for many people.  You almost want to reach to Heaven as if you are accepting God's hug.  I am not a hand lifter for the most part, but I have been blessed sometimes by others who were.

In Noah's ark were built accommadations for all the animals to be brought in two by two.  In this case the blessing would be when these two of any species saved had opportunity to reproduce and thereby the world would be blessed.  Even the fact that it takes two humans to make increase in the human population, alludes to the blessing of family, increase and continued existance of our own species. It is also true that God wished that marriage would be something he considered worth blessing. This concept is not limited to marriage, however.  Scripture says for example that where two or more are gathered in prayer, He is in the midst of them.  It also says that where two are agreed, then there can be expectation of an answer being forthcoming.  There are many more illustrations of relationship pairings when God blessed the love that kept those relationships strong, healthy, and blessed.  David and Jonathan come to mind.

In Old Testament tradition, we read of fathers who "blessed" an oldest son. This was a unique twosome relational blessing that holds pictures of the realationship between God the Father, and God the Son - Christ.  There is a book that could be written to expound that particular example, but it is the one example that holds the most value to us. It is a picture of how God wants to bless us with His own belongings. The things he made with his Proverbial hands. God created heaven and earth with a specific  mental picture in mind of what He intended to do with this earth.  It was prepared for us. He owns it all, but gifts us with anything on this earth we can figure out how to use.  And as with the story of the prodigal son, he doesn't dictate whether we use it wisely or unwisely.  If we destroy our gifts, He still accepts us because it is the relationship which he holds dear above the material value of what He has given us. The one on one relationship, between just two beings, is the spiritual law that God indowed with blessing. 

The exact opposite is thereby true.  The commandment of "Thou shalt have no other gods before me" is an extention of the Law of Twos.  If we put other things or "Gods" before Jaweh, Jehovah God = the one true God, then the relationship is watered down. The blessings are dissolved.  One God plus one child of God equals blessing.  The uniqueness of it being a supernatural pairing, is that it can be unique to every Child of God. All Christians can be blessed by a one on one relationship with God, as if they were the only Child on earth. Unlike earthly fathers whose resources are limited, there is no such thing with God. God wants you to be assured that it is the relationship with you, a singular person, that is His objective. This means you are highly prized in His eyes. If that doesn't bless you, then you haven't met my God - the one true God.

On the second day of creation, God divided something by two, for the earth's greater good. I challenge readers to look it up.  It involves H2O and what's between it.  What a huge blessing for our future environment. Without this first 2 on the second day, we could not have lived on this earth. This is called the first mention. Even the days of the week involve God's blessing. I can really take this to depths----the evening and the morning were the first day. but it also began day 2.

Next time you are blessed, think about the number two, and ask God if there is a definite reference to the "2" in your situation. Think, "Did this success, or feeling of accomplishment involve developing a realtionship of some sort?  Was it a gift from someone or God himself?"   Can you see the number two in any aspect of your blessing? 

Ever wonder if your blessing is a result of God's blessing, or has Satan drawn you into a false hope? Check out the relationships you have formed. Not the blessings you received.  If the relationships are possessive, or demanding, or taking from you rather than adding to you, then you are probably not within the unwritten  Law of Two.

The next time you feel blessed, or are seeking God's hand on an endeavor, think about the number two. See if it applies to something God is telling you.  Don't manipulate your numbers, but ask God if He has a two that will help you see His path.  Don't be surprised if He shows you one.

Lord, not everyone will be blessed by knowing something about the laws you put in place reguarding  the numbers. Maybe someone who loves mathematics will see automatically how, without the laws of God in place, many things would not exist.  Maybe someone will see that without harnessing and learning more about numbers, we would not be blessed with many of our modern conveniences, including, for all we Geeks, the computer.  I thank you for these things Lord. The many blessings on our modern lives -- Even our binomal language that makes computers possible.  Without a computer, I couldn't write this blog.  I thank you for sharing the value of the number two with me. And for all the blessings in my life.  Even comunication is an extention of first one person speaking to at least one person. And in this case, the blessing of prayer, is all about my being able to talk to you. And knowing that you hear me. Therefore it involves two. Praise your name. You are the Alpha and Omega...loving that it is another two...LOL Jesus! Amen

Frozen Until....

I have a heavy heart, this week. There are several reasons, but mostly that close friends and family are struggling with the realities of life and death. Only God can ultimately control whether life on this earth will continue, and it is important to hope for life, choose life, live like you have chosen life.  There is no wrong in living even while facing death. To the very end.  As long I guess as the choice doesn't leave those who supported your choices in a state of confusion and bitterness, which is the reasonable result of continuing to believe in life.  When God says, "No, they will continue to live, but with me, in their eternal home," it feels like he has said no to life itself. When my mother passed into heaven about a year ago, I couldn't cry. She was where she longed to be, with family who had gone on, and with Jesus. Mama was whole for the first time in her life, since she was born with only one leg.  All our lives, we had talked about when Mama went to heaven she would be able to run.  Although she never let not having a leg take her down a pity path, we always thought that this would be a time of rejoicing for her.  As so many of our loved ones have passed in recent years to into the arms of Jesus, I have been saddened to lose their physical presence, but glad to know they were "in a better place."

When my granddaughter Brynley died as a stillborn, full term baby, I lived for a couple of years in a place that is difficult to explain.  I could not get my mind around any form of satisfaction that she was with Jesus.  It seemed as if she didn't belong in Heaven. We never even had an opportunity to enjoy her sweet life on earth, to see her smile, or hear her laugh. I don't know what I expected the void of not having those expectations realized to  have on my emotions, my mental apect of the reality of death, the attitude I had always held about life and death....but it was nothing like I had ever experienced before.  I was overwhelmed, It was at least two years before I could even find any form of relief by trying to imagine her in heaven.  NO mental exercise I could come up with gave me a sense of relief. No scripture, no poem, no devotion, no blog, no card, no outside influence on this earth allowed me to see her happily enjoying heaven, and even if it had, my daughter and I felt cheated.  History actually changed in my mind.  I suddenely looked differently even at history.  So many mothers had lost thier little ones at or near birth, that there were certainly great crowds of people in heaven who never even experienced the joys and pains of earth. They were of course blessed, but those left behind without enjoying their presence were denied the gift of their life.  I had never experienced the hole that left in time.  And there is nothing except the experience that can give a perspective on just how awful that feels.
I had totally hoped to never feel that helpless again.  But the reality is, that there will be times when the impact on our emotions of loss, and unfulfilled expectations will grip us more tightly than we can emotionally receive.  For everyone the response will be different, but I am finding that for me, it shuts some part of me down.  Shutting down until the Lord gives me His remedy for the pain, is the only way I can cope.  And here I am again.  Someone I love is dying and all I can do is shut down.  When Brynley died and mother died I couldn't cry. The stress involved with mother's passing, and the shock involved with Brynley's passing left me empty.  But thankfully, these days I can at least cry. But I am failing miserably at being an support for anyone else.  I don't have it in me. And God is not giving it to me. All I can do is shut down, hide and protect my emotional self.  I don't know what it will mean for my emotional future, but I do know that eventually, God gave me the vision, the enlightenment that healed the pain after about two years, when it was my granddaughter who died.
So knowing that God knows how we feel, I am only able to pray that God will be there in a very special way for those who need him in these hours of near death. I simply don't know how, to be His tool on earth, because I fully believe there is no person on earth that can lessen that empty unimaginable crush of loss. God is the only one who knows our spirit well enough to provide the kind of spiritual medication that heals the wounds of that kind of reality. There are people all over the world today who need God in that kind of special way, and for some reason He choses to wait a while to reveal Himself as the healer.
When his dear friend Lazarus was dying, Lazarus' family begged Jesus to come before he died. They fully believed that if Jesus would just come, He could heal him. Jesus had purpose in not going when they wanted him to.  We don't know if Jesus had experienced the loss of someone close at this point, although the absense of his father indicates that he may have died by this time in Jesus' life. Had Jesus known the special kind of pain that losing someone close could bring humans.  With his unique aspect on Heaven, having known what living with the Father on a level we humans can only get after death, sending his friend home to the Father was a gift he might give him. Without Lazarus' death we might never have known if Jesus human side knew the pain we feel. I personally am glad to read that Jesus cried.  What intensity of emotions did Jesus feel.  He allowed his friend to die. Knowing how it hurt Mary and Martha. Knowing how his disciples and close followers would judge him for not coming. Feeling the pain humans feel in the death of a loved one, we know he knew he had power over death, and he let it happen.
Jesus wanted to demonstrate that power. he knew he had to demonstrate that power.  But in order to demonstrate the power over death, death had to occur. He also wanted to foreshaddow his own death, and the expected end to that event.  He was giving hope to those who loved him that he might have power even in his own death.  Now, there are still two facts that remain...eventually, Lazarus died and Jesus was not there to resurrect him.  And, even though Jesus was resurrected himself, he revealed himself in his resurrected form, but made a big deal of his being more ready to go to his Father.  His heart was already in his heavenly home.  He went ahead saying, " I go to prepare a place for YOU."

I don't feel like Jesus right now. I don't have the emotions that go with knowing a place has been prepared for those nearest death who must depend on Jesus's power over death, and promise of a better place. But having faith is not living out of my emotions.  But having faith doesn't releive my emotions, and I don't think Jesus wanted us to believe it would. Because even he cried. He could have gone to Lazarus and been there and allowed him to die. We often see in the Biblical accounts that Jesus followers had not taken their faith yet to the point of understanding that it did not require his physical presense to make miracles happen.  Mary who knew how he told the story of the soldier who had faith to say, "Lord, if you just say it, it will be done."  He commended this man for his faith. It wasn't about faith for Mary. She didn't want his miracle without his presense. Her emotions needed him to be there.  But he didn't go.  Why?  Was Jesus physically overwhelmed? Did he experience what I experience when intense emotions overcome me? I think he had to have known this kind of human pain, at least once. When he was dying, he knew how his mother felt, how his disciples would shut down emotionally, until he brought them the healing they would need. Until he removed the gripping sorrow that sent them to a place of not knowing what to do or how to live; until he revealed his presense and power would still be available in the Glorious third person of the Godhead. He would never leave them, but would remain constantly available in His Spirit, by indwelling them.
In spite of his constant presense, God knows when we are disabled by our physical or emotional pain.  Sometimes he takes it away, but often he does not.  He did not for himself, but he does set limits. In time, he brings an end to it, interjecting something greater than when and where we are while in our pain.  But one of the values of death is that it is the end of pain we cannot bear.  The blessed end.
No more tears, no pain, no more fear of death, no more canes, or prosthetics, or any other sting of ... anything that brings the need for death as the exclusive remedy.

Lord, my emotions are like the weather this week. From cloudy to sunny to cloudy to sunny and the same again and again. I wait on you.  I lean on you. I have no resource but you.  Once again I am can only say...."Only to they cross I cling."
Be there Lord for those who need you today.

AMEN