A lot accomplished - And a lot of JOY!

Christmas angels so don't represent the Bible
description of angels...but they do fill my girly
love of frilly dolls.

I have to give a great big thanks to my husband for being more supportive than ever in helping me get the Christmas stuff pulled out and in place this year.  He has never liked the "decorating" part of Christmas, but likes for me to do it.  In other words, he likes the results, not the process. He also likes that I like it. But in the past years, I have had to do it all alone too many times, and sometimes just decided that it wasn't worth the effort.  When too weary or pressed for time, I have let it just slide in recent years.  In my childhood, it was such an integral part of our celebration to decorate.  In our family, we all loved it so much that everyone pitched in.  But Jimmy and the kids never really got into it to the point of wanting to help me decorate. In all these years since I married him, it has been a lonely process.  They all liked being a part of it at my sister's house. My children seemed to catch the "Christmas spirit" when with their cousins, but I just couldn't get them into it at home. So I often became discouraged.  It seemed like I was doing it all just for myself.  And I didn't want to do it all just for myself.

Well, this year, I have a new grandbaby, and the free time to pull out everything. I can at least decide if I want to put it up. I have enjoyed doing it so much that I have put out almost everything in the boxes, and once I get the tree lights on, (the hardest part to me,) decorating the tree will be my favorite part.  Then just a few simple things outside and I am done.
What has this to do with prayer, or my Christian walk? It has to do with the fact that just a little help goes such a long way.  Since my husband has been involved even a little bit, I have been encouraged. The smallest thing, like carrying a box or two down stairs when it is empty, and putting it in the correct pile of boxes...the fact that he cared enough to place a box in the box stack that is empty, not just anywhere, speaks volumns to his attitude.  It says he cares this year, in a way that makes me feel good about what I am doing. In reciprocation, I tried to hear his voice as well. He has complained a lot about my not having curtains over the window where we planned to put the tree. The old drapes were dingy, and dated. I had washed them, and not put them back up.  So I decided to get something up on the windows. It was a small thing, but it seemed to lead to Jimmy wanting to help me put up the tree. So we fluffed the whole tree together without one single arguement.  That my friends is a miracle for us. WE can't do anything without arguing.  But lately that has been changing. After 42 years we are somehow finding out how to work together. This will be my best Christmas present ever. I feel like it is coming from God.  To actually enjoy cleaning and decorating my house for Christmas has been like a dream that  I had given up on.  And this year, it is a dream come true.  Even if I never finish everything I wanted to do, I am blessed already to have come so far in just a few days. Years of working so hard to make this happen for other people, and doing without for myself and my family had made me dread the Christmas season.  In just a few days, that all has changed.

Well, not in just a few days, because it began some time ago when I gave into my circumstances and simply accepted them. But the last few days have "sealed the deal". One of the things that has always been a problem for me, is Jimmy's work hours. His working nights, left me without enough rest.  As long as I fought being awake at night when he came home, and refused to sleep in the day, unless I passed out asleep, I couldnt' get things done. Then it occurred to me, that if Iwas going to have to be awake in the middle of the night, then I might as well find something to do besides trying to go back to sleep. A couple of things happened. When I awakened in the morning, I felt a sense of accomplishment, knowing something on my to do list was already done.  I didn't have the  guilt complex that I normally lived with, feeling I needed to get something done that would disturb Jimmy's sleep. I had always felt helpless, that I cared so much about his getting rest, but he didn't seem to care that he disturbed my getting rest. I dragged into work, and passed out the minute I walked in the door after work. Always blaming my blackouts on my sugar levels, I never really gave enough credence to the fact that I didn't get undisturbed sleep.  So now if I get 4 hours at night and 4 hours some time in the day. I just appreciate the hours when I am awake, and try to do things when I am the most awake.  My life doesn't fit the life the outside world lives, but it fits us. And for now, I am just trying to "count it all joy." 

Christmas tidings of "Joy to the World" are my theme this year. I want to be joyful. I believe it is where the Lord calls me to be. In a state of Joy. God smiles when we have joy. When we chose to celebrate in Joy. Rejoicing is the spirit God choses for us. Why not live in it?  Today I am praying for this kind of Joy for everyone I know.  A peaceful acceptance of our circumstances, that allows us to think about them differently than we might have or have in the past.  A renewal of our minds that leads to a newness in everyday life that exemplifies the Joy that God has planned to give us. 
Thank you, Lord for JOY today.  I love Christmas and all that it means because you were born into this world. When your mother saw your baby face, she could not have imagined your horrible yet magnificient sacrifice.  Her feelings were feelings of JOY. Perhaps coupled with so many other emotions, but everything about Christmas, including the singing of Angels lets me know that you want us to have Joy when I celebrate your birth.  Please Lord, spread that joy around the globe this year. Not because of gifts, and decorations, but because of You. Then let us  give good gifts, and celebrate in the best way we are able. Always with Joy!

I am also doing something else this year. I am forgiving myself for all the times I failed my family and couldn't make their Christmas as wonderful as I wanted it to be. But also I am forgiving my self for little things. Like the fact that these pictures are dark. It is considered poor form to put poor pictures on your blog. However, it has been raining for several days, and these were the best picures I could get without more light.  I cannot make the lovely warm glow of the lights to be as comforting here as they actually are. But I forgive myself for falling short of perfection. I am counting it all joy. Everything. I am accepting my circumstances, and allowing something short of perfection! That is definitely a part of finding Joy.